No Really, It’s Me – Not You: How To Fix the Comparison Conundrum

This week I released a video – speaking about my strategy to become your own competition. I’d like to expand on that idea and define exactly why it is so costly, both figuratively and literally, to compare ourselves to others. First, let’s talk about the mental ramifications of comparison. Let’s say for example that you receive a flyer in the mail offering a deal on trading in your current model of car for a newer one. It makes sense that you would call your dealer, maybe go for a test drive and do some research online. You might take pictures and put the cars side-by-side, trying to visualize how they will look in your garage. It’s a big investment, this car. You want it to be the best car it can be.

By the time you finally choose to stick with your current car, you’ve spent days agonizing over your investment, but you’re satisfied. You made a good decision. You are confident in your car.

Now, re-read that analogy. Instead of a new car, imagine researching your business competition. The process of being hyper-aware of others in your field is mentally exhausting. If you have tricked yourself into the idea that stalking your favorite business person and figuring out how they got sixty thousand followers on Facebook is a sound success strategy, I’m here to tell you you’re wrong.

What if there was a better way of gaining insight into your chosen field that left you feeling confident instead of questioning your brand? It all starts with the actions you take and your expectations around them.

Let’s bring it back to social media for an example. It is well known that in today’s business world that social media accounts are a must. I met with an editorial agent last week who shared that most folks no longer read the newspaper or even watch the news but they check their Twitter and Facebook feeds all day long. We have to have it. But when dealing with social media, make sure that time serves and empowers you vs jeopardizes the self-confidence that you’ve built within yourself.

 Think about it: Instead of trying to figure out how someone else is reaching their goals, spend that time getting out there and doing it yourself.

Light your own fire instead of staring into someone else’s flame.  

Stand in purpose and conviction of your gifts and see what happens. Allow yourself to take a walk, create white space or meditate to reframe your day. It’s ok.

The same idea applies to personal interactions and trying to please everyone. When I’m in front of folks, I don’t try to win over the crowd but I do have intentions to make a difference of at least ONE PERSON. You’ve heard it before, but people remember you not for what you say but how you say it and how you made them feel. That’s the impact I want to have. The idea of trying to be everything to a group of hundreds of people is overwhelming. If I stayed in that mindset while on stage, I wouldn’t be any good to anyone. By empowering myself to connect deeply with just one or two people in that room I am able to bring that laser focus to my presentation that leaves everyone (myself included) inspired.

I challenge you to think about this the next time you find yourself comparing yourself to others. Think about what would happen if you turned that energy inward and empowered yourself. What would that do for your business? What would that do for your soul?

Instead of asking yourself how John Smith made his first million, ask yourself “What can I do today to at peace with where I am and excited about what I’m about to accomplish?” Listen to yourself. You have all the answers.

You deserve it.

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Your Chief Inspirational Officer xo